Photo shamelessly ripped from Google. Please don’t sue me, Disney. I have nothing and no one.
In this series, Lauren will rewatch Disney movies from her childhood to see what sort of trauma she can drudge up.
TODAY’S FILM: The Little Mermaid – 1989 – Rated G – Depictions of Tobacco Use
WHAT I REMEMBER: The Little Mermaid is one of the movies that I watched on repeat as a kid. In my childhood bedroom, I had a child-sized Little Mermaid branded table and chair set where I brushed the unnaturally red, plastic hair of my Ariel doll. I seem to remember having some pajamas that featured Ariel and the clown fish… what was the fish’s name? Guess I’ll find out soon enough. I always loved the water as a kid, baths, the pool, playing with the hose in the backyard… nothing better than pretending to be a mermaid as a kid. KIDS THESE DAYS DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE MISSING. Do kids still play mermaids? Don’t answer. I don’t care.
THE PLOT, AS I REMEMBER IT: So there’s a prince, and he’s sailing for some reason. Ariel is a hoarder who can sing real pretty and wants to be on land because she’s obsessed with land walkers, even though her best friends are a ditzy fish and a suggestive crab. She gets mad at her dad because he’s all like, “no, you’re… a princess? Or something? Also… your mom is dead.” She meets an octopus drag queen who gives her legs in exchange for her voice. There are eels? The eels are the drag queen’s minions? Ok, then Ariel goes on land, meets the prince but can’t talk; they somehow fall in love. There’s a fork involved. Eventually, the drag queen shapeshifts and comes to land to seduce the prince for herself? I think? Ariel ends up back in the water somehow, and eventually, the prince falls for her, but does she… keep her legs? I forget. THE END.
An adorable, curly-haired Lauren playing with the hose in the 90s. She would never know happiness like this again.
AS I’M WATCHING: Ok, right off, something I’m surprised by and imagine will continue to be surprised by as I continue this series is the animation. It’s so much less fluid than I remember/compared to today’s incredible technology. It’s wild to think that many of these frames and scenes were hand-drawn or painted individually.
Also, damn, Disney really knows how to do an overture. One of the most interesting/fun/exciting experiences I’ve ever had the opportunity to be a part of was going to Disney with my high school marching band (not the whole trip, the trip was terrible, but this one experience was tight) and getting to work with a conductor to record our band playing part of a Disney soundtrack and matching it to the animation in real-time. That two-hour experience made me seriously consider being a professional musician.
Instead, I chose a job where I write jokes about cat food for a living.
Anyway.
I completely forgot that Sebastian was a conductor. I also forgot how similar this story is to Lion King (1994): Troubled youngest who feels trapped by parent(s) who just tries to keep them safe, an evil relative, bumbling best friends, friend of parent who begrudgingly watches/encourages the troublemaker, ultimate triumph after many trials/musical numbers.
FINAL THOUGHTS: This movie was darker than I remembered. The little shriveled-up souls in Ursula’s lair were… horrifying. Also, a dude marrying a chick in a day just because she has a nice voice? Guess dudes have always been terrible.
This was a fun watch. Wish I still had that barbie.
OVERALL RATING: 7/10